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March 2013
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WFMT Chime In

Give us a classical music limerick!

  • Elliott Delman

    Stravinsky once caused such a scandal
    With convention, man, he was a vandal
    Angular, nervy
    And all topsy turvy
    It was more than the listeners could Handel

  • Stephanie

    There once was a man named Ludwig
    Whose hair and ego were so big!
    But his music it seems,
    was the stuff of dreams,
    forcing all critics to renege!
    Stephanie Sanchez – online listener in New Jersey

  • Rick

    Philip Glass Philip Glass Philip Glass,
    Philip Glass Philip Glass Philip Glass.
    Philip Glass Philip Glass,
    Philip Glass Philip Glass,
    Philip Glass Philip Glass Philip Glass!

    (Sorry, but my brain is only capable of minimal[ist] activity this early.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/michelle.kogan1 Michelle Kogan

    The prodigy musician Mozart,
    Made music that was bold and full of heart,
    His fidelity was amiss
    Which Constanze would dismiss,
    Though his ending fell short of his art!

  • Lee

    There once was a composer who lived in Vienna
    Who had a penchant for writing scores in sienna
    During rehearsal, the lights were dim
    so the music sounded off key and thin
    Up jumped the maestro, dark pen in hand
    magically changing to sound to bold and grand

  • Marianna and Harvey Choldin

    Tchaikovsky was eating bliny
    When a dancer cried “Hey, look at me”!
    “I’m too busy today to compose a ballet–
    I’m finishing Symphony Three”!

  • Allen Cosnow

    A tone-deaf young man from St. Johns
    Said, “I freely admit, without qualms
    I wouldn’t know Verdi
    From Das Lied von der Erde
    Or John Philip Sousa from Brahms”

  • Carla Kipen

    There once was a radio station
    With a classical music vocation.
    Though local at first,
    On the Web out it burst,
    And now it’s the toast of the nation.

  • Kevin K

    This one is pretty tame and I don’t remember where I heard it before, but with the Bach fest coming it seemed appropriate

    There once was a man named Murdoch
    Who played temple blocks with a rock
    He had quite a collection
    And played a selection
    By Johann Sebastian Bach

  • Sunny Stiklius,

    Dear Carl,
    I truly enjoy your Morning Program, the music and all of the information that you provide, as well as all of the WFMT programming, which I listen to for most of the day. I seem to remember that in prior years WFMT devoted a Saturday to the Ravinia Festival, before ticket sales were made available to the general public, during which people could call in, donate, and order tickets. Six of us will be coming to the August 3rd concert version of Aida, from Boston, NYC, North Carolina, South Florida, Laguna Beach, and Tinley Park (me). We desire to get the best possible seats that we can; one of our number has been designated as the coordinator and plans to stream WFMT’s broadcasting that day and call in our donation and ticket order. She called the station to try to find out when this would be, and spoke to Customer Service who told her that they didn’t know what she was talking about. I don’t think that I imagined that WFMT has done this in the past, but it’s possible. If I didn’t imagine it, I would be very grateful to know the date of this event. THANKS!
    ==Sunny Stiklius

  • John Terdich

    I was inspired by the limericks about Glass, so here goes.

    When Cage wrote a piece with no sound,
    The audience rage did abound,
    In four minutes or so,
    He was able to show
    That in silence even noise could be found.

    • Becca

      (in reply to John Terdich, John Cage limerick)

      He just sat there for 4, 33.
      How insane can a music guy be.
      But — starting to listen —
      I hear car horns, and hissin’,
      And hey! Think I’m startin’ to see!

  • nicholas pasqual

    A brash young composer from Bute
    Struck critics as not too astute.
    They said that each waltz
    Was just so much schmalz
    And panned all his dirges for flute.
     
    **
    A willful old basso from Yuba
    Wrote art songs to play on the tuba,
    Each line much too glum,
    Each chord out of plumb,
    Scarce fit for to button la giubba.
     
    **
     
    Some tenors of old Morgan Park
    Offered tunelets of aspect quite stark,
    No touch of giocoso,
    Each couplet Oh so
    Unfit to call up the lark. 
    **

    A loyal composer named Brewster
    Wrote anthems to honor old Worcester,
    Each phrasing majestic,
    Each line anapestic,
    Euphonious paens to borcester.
     
    **
    The choirs combined of old Beaulieu
    Make sounds on occasion unruly,
    But frequently grand,
    Not ever called bland,
    Unless they attempt the tune newly.

  • Polly Hansen

    Julian Bream was a master on lute,
    and Rampal, he was one on the flute.
    If on these you aspire
    to express love’s desire
    with your discipline be most resolute.

  • Rich Black

    There was a fellow named Bach
    I found much better than rock
    I heard his fugue
    Played on a Moog
    Which even pleased Mister Spock

  • Camille Blachowicz

    When need/ing to wash their old o/boes,

    The play/ers tried car wash ro/bos.

    So when they got soaked

    The winds they all joked,

    “Oops, no more Hec /tor Vil/la Lo/bos!

    Camille Blachowicz, Evanston (Yes, I know it’s lame!!”

  • Mary Feller, age 11

    Mozart, Rossini, Beethoven, and Bach,
    Every DAY! Where is the rock?!
    That is the question I ask my brother,
    He doesn’t answer, neither does my mother,
    And so I am stuck listening to their choice,
    It’s hard to be the youngest and not have a voice!

  • Andrew Tuite

    Bach’s compositions could mix it

    Though the youth of today often nix it

    “Old-fashioned,” they nay

    But I always say

    If it isn’t Baroque, then don’t fix it!

  • Lisa Yaremko

    The French (Limerick) Suites, LWV #1
    by Lisa Yaremko and Mark Rubenstein,

    The allemande lovely and square
    Is loved by both brutish and fair
    Four quarter time
    Can render sublime
    The musical joy hidden there.

    The courante is the devil to play
    Even if you should practice all day
    So much syncopation
    Leads straight to frustration
    And can leave your nerves in a fray!

    When played at its right lively pace
    The menuet shows all its grace
    Just three beats and turn
    It’s easy to learn
    It’s regal, all velvet and lace.

    The sarabande pulls at your heart
    Solemnly playing its part
    Stately and slow
    Its mood seems to flow
    From the core of a delicate art.

    To close with a light jolly fling
    The gigue brings its spirited spring
    Energetic and swift
    It gives quite a lift
    And flies like a bird on the wing.

    So the question of tempo in Bach
    Is not really hard to unlock
    Play the best that you may
    And remember to pray
    Enjoy, but pay mind to the clock!

  • Tom Lovejoy

    The symphony’s brass was a dud
    Their notes fell of the stage with a thud
    Then a new phrase was born
    As they passed ‘round the horn
    From Jacobs to Friedman to Bud

  • Jack Scott

    Limerick…you can’t use this one on the air..but have fun anyway.

    There once was a fellow named cager,
    spurred on by a glorious wager,
    proceeded to fart
    the complete oboe part,
    of a Hayden octet in A major.

    Heard from my dad years ago, we’re all musicians
    Jack@JackScottCreative.com

  • Lisa Yaremko

    The French (limerick) suites, LWV#1 by Lisa Yaremko and Mark Rubenstein

    The allemande lovely and square
    is loved by both brutish and fair
    Four quarter time
    Can render sublime
    The musical joy hidden there.

    The courante is the devil to play
    Even if you should practice all day
    So much syncopation
    Leads straight to frustration
    And can leave your nerves in a fray.

    When played at its right lively pace
    The menuet shows all its grace
    Just three beats and turn
    It’s easy to learn
    It’s regal, all velvet and lace.

    The sarabande pulls at your heart
    Solemnly playing its part
    Stately and slow
    Its mood seems to flow
    From the core of a delicate art.

    To close with a light jolly fling
    The gigue brings its spirited spring
    Energetic and swift
    It gives quite a lift
    And flies like a bird on the wing.

    So the question of tempo in Bach
    is not really hard to unlock
    Play the best that you may
    And remember to pray
    Enjoy, but pay mind to the clock!

  • Timothy Bowlby

    Then a talentless hack name of Dean
    Tried some jazz on a black tambourine.
    But his vision of blues
    Was, in most critics views,
    An off-shade of aquamarine.

  • Regina Gomory

    Beethoven was a great composer.
    A true master he, no poser.
    His music rang clear
    Though he couldn’t hear.
    My most profound praise for him goes here.

  • Lynn Sove Maxson

    Here is my limmerick:
    Once a great Grieg of sound
    Thruout the world did abound
    His music today of nature and fjords
    Touches all the classical musical hordes

  • Allen Lang

    The composer gave Anna a hug.
    She drew back. “No way, you big lug.
    We’ve got Kinder dreizehn,
    Now you hear what I’m sayin’—
    Johannes, Ich habe genug!

  • Bugaz

    There was once a musical critic
    Experienced, learned and witty.
    He held a position
    That every musician
    Deserves his concern, scorn, and pity…

  • Bugaz

    As we know, limericks should be bawdy
    And musicians, as lot, could be rowdy.
    Your station I dare
    Tell us stories on the air –
    Start from Bach – but somehow I doubt it…

  • Jane D. Schwartz

    An amateur singer named Trotsky,

    Greatly admired Tschaikovsky.

    Pique Dame and Onegin

    He longed to assay, in

    place of the noble Hvorostovsky.

  • Deedie

    There was a composer named Britten,

    Whose music’s the best ever written;
    And all through the years,
    With his friend Peter Pears
    He was terribly, terribly smitten.

  • Bugaz

    There was once a pianist named Hess.
    When London from bombings was a mess
    She was ready and willing
    To play for a shilling
    And had a bombastic success!

  • Hersh

    Though it’s clear he won genius’s lotto,

    Sibelius often was blotto.

    Which explains why that fella,

    In “The Swan of Tuonela,”

    wrote that long English-horn obbligato.

  • nmorriswfmt

    There once was a reed from Nantucket,
    Who wanted bassoonists to suck it.
    They scraped and they whittled
    While string players fiddled
    And played it for Petrouchka the Puppet.

  • James Ulrich

    There was a composer named Bach
    Who wrote music all ’round the clock.
    His work was prolific,
    And still sounds terrific —
    Much better than rap or than rock!
    James Ulrich, Riverside, IL

  • Harold Zoellick

    Lisa Flynn,
    The carnival of the animals was excellent ,a delight i never heard before Thank you

  • Pat Howard

    Rossini, Bellini, & Puccini
    All loved a fine fettuccini
    “This pasta is great”
    They sang as they ate,
    (They also adored tortellini!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Pat-Howard/100002203861593 Pat Howard

    Rossini, Bellini, & Puccini
    All loved a fine fettuccini
    “This pasta is great”
    They sang as they ate,
    (They also adored tortellini!)

  • Bugaz

    Buy a parrot or rabbit in Petco –
    They are ready to cheer you from get go.
    If musicians you need –
    That’s a different creed.
    Music Center them breeds. In Winnetka.

  • Cathy Terdich

    There once was a waltz by John Strauss
    I danced all around in the house
    In three quarter time
    My mood was sublime
    Until I was joined by my spouse.
    (Alternate ending: Even more when joined by my spouse.)

  • Dorothy Andries

    Upon applauding after the first movement of a symphony or concerto (2 verses)

    “Should we applaud? Should we not?
    Among critics this topic is hot.
    Keep our hands in our lap, or stand up and clap?
    Oh, how can we do what we ought?

    Blame the composer, I say,
    Big codas just blow us away.
    With a softer conclusion, there’d be no confusion,
    Good manners would always hold sway.”

  • joshua_kind@yahoo.com

    If kids in school now–no matter what grade
    Never see or hear an orchestra’s full power parade
    There will be no audience to hear and cheer
    Or far worse–get the music guys paid.

  • joshua_kind@yahoo.com

    There was a hassled poor “program note” writer
    Who hoped his verse be a music-igniter
    With both novice and old-timer;
    But then they all said “love hearing it forever,
    But read about it– never!”

  • joshua_kind@yahoo.com

    In the case of a string quartet

    four fellows who play tight as a net

    No matter whether from tennis or b-ball

    no matter even with the music a bore

    The outcome will dazzle

    Since its straight out the Stradavarius store.

  • joshua_kind@yahoo.com

    There once was an elegant young tenor
    Whose charms could appear on a banner
    But when his mouth–and throat he did open
    Little came forth
    For which we had hopen.

  • Becca

    Conducting, half-deaf and all stoica,
    He stood– and how COULD they all knowica
    That he’d change the game
    Things would NOT be the same
    After Ludwig van B. and Eroica.

  • Becca

    After war, he could not play so well.
    Not Chopin, two-part fugues, William Tell.
    But then a concerto
    His talent was heir to:
    A one-handed gift from Ravel.

  • Becca

    What a riot, that Igor Stravinsky!
    Inciting that Riot of Springsky.
    It sent folks in a rage,
    Till they screamed at the stage
    And impaled seat-mates (GACK!!) with hatpinsky.

  • Becca

    She rejected him. In fit of pique,
    He declared “Think I’m gonna be sique.”
    Instead, just to copium,
    He fiddled with opium
    And spat out a Symph. Fantastique.

  • Becca

    There’s never been one quite like Lenny.
    Conductor, composer of many
    quite brill, unique pieces
    Chichester’s, Candides’s
    And songs, film scores too… We <3 Lenny.

  • Becca

    They fought. Which one’s best? Which one’s taller?
    They’d shriek, and they’d bite, and they’d holler.
    Just one thing could calm them
    And silence and balm them:
    The symphonies of Gustav Mahler.
    Their handclasp would Titan, they’d rest.
    Resurrecting their fondness, they’d jest:
    “We’ve nothing in common
    But must intone ‘Amen!'”
    At music, which soothes savage breast.”

  • Gerson Ecler

    Directed to WFMT announcer staff who violate the Miesien principal that less is more:
    I want to make this perfectly clear
    Music can only reach my ear
    When unencumbered by blabber
    about meaning, sense, and other
    Makes the music for me disappear.
    A shorter version (with all due respect:
    George Preston,
    Give it a reston

  • Hersh

    Said Gershwin to friends in the press,
    “This Hardy libretto’s a mess!
    Though I’m an admirer,
    I’ll stick with my Ira.
    Who’d want to see Porgy and Tess?”

  • Cathy Terdich # 2– 4 U John

    I danced to the music of Strauss
    In a graceful Viennese waltz
    All the evening I spun
    I had so much fun
    In the arms of my wonderful spouse.

  • Jim

    A music professor named Locke
    Found a fragmented score in a sock;
    Said he, “It is too curt
    To be by Franz Shoe-bert,
    But it smells more like Foote than like Bach.”

  • Vonnie Lorber

    When Scarlatti ceases to be delightful
    Then I become a trifle spiteful
    And the following words address to the Muse
    “How can you me to amuse refuse!”

  • TONY FICO, Cicero Il

    LIMERICK ENTRY: Carl Grapentine, Morning Show host, anglophile in extremis,
    longs to be dubbed — against all hope — “Sir Carl Grapentinis.”
    — A. Fico, Cicero IL

    • http://www.facebook.com/tony.fico.5 Tony Fico

      afico1

    • Jadams

      That’s a clever limerick. Very amusing.

  • Anthony Fico

    Carl & Lisa, Morning Show hosts,
    each with a different style–
    she plays the gems of the school francaise,
    he the compleat anglophile.

  • Tim Bowlby

    Then a talentless hack name o’ Dean
    Tried some jazz on a black tambourine.
    But his version of blues
    Was, in most critics views,
    An off shade of aquamarine